Heavy

Three years ago it was the start of my Junior year and I got asked to homecoming.

I went out and purchased a sassy black short number with a gold bow. I loved it.

But you know what I didnt love?

The size...it was a tid bigger than I normally wore, but it was alright.

I had fun in that black dres...

Then spring rolls around and I got asked to prom..

I shopped for hours and hours to find the perfect, modest dress that looked stunning on me..

I got a beautiful Black and white dress, with just the right details.

I felt like the center attention..

But every time I looked at that tag, my stomach dropped..

It had increased again..

I worked out for hours and hours every day to make sure that dress fit perfectly..

And it did...and I had an AMAZING time, and really was the center of attention

Then my senior year roles around..I went to homecoming..that was fun..

Then I was so excited to get asked to prom my senior year.

I was so excited to get a dress that stood out..

I picked a green and gold dress that I was in love with..

But i literally felt sick when I realized once again that I had to get it a little larger..

But I sucked it up and wore it.

Tonight...I tried to put on that dress..it didnt zip..

My stomach felt so sick. How did I do this to this beautiful gift that my Heavenly Father gave me.

So I zipped up those dresses in their bags, like a body bag..of the bodies that I use to be..

I step away from this...knowing that Im beautiful, Im not trying to have pitty. I know Im a pretty girl. Im just sad about the way thast I have treated this body I have been given.

The name of this blog has two meanings..the first I believe is obvious..the second is I understand this is a super awkward subject, but I needed to publicly hold myself accountable for my actions.

Im not asking for comments. I dont expect anything. I dont want "oh my gosh ur not even big" haha. I understand. I love myself. But I love my body, and im commiting to treating it better.

i think we all have room for that. :)

Have a great week.