Yes yes yes this is the all dreaded vent blog of the year
I have held back from writing on here about so many things that are going on in my life right now, because I didnt know how to say them, or they were just personal. But Im going to lay some things out here right now. But im really upset right now, so dont be suprised if i delete this post soon. ANYWAY
So I'm going to tell you a story. Once upon a time there was a girl. Said girl randomly answers her nieces phone and talks to a boy. Boy and girl become friends. One day boy and girl kiss. Many days after boy and girl kiss. Boy and girl also talk almost every day. Sounds like the begining of a great love tale does it not?
well its not
Girl has fallen head over heals for this smart, cute, perfect on paper boy. Boy thinks the girl is a good kisser. End of story. Except its not. So Boy falls in love with local girl..tells previous girl to shove it. Local girl doesnt want him..he returns to girl numero uno. Girl puts up with same shenanigans for years. There were definitley times were girl tells boy shes had enough, she deserves to be treated better. Because shes not a stupid girl she KNOWS the boy doesnt care about her, but she doesnt understand why he talks to her all the time, so she convinces herself other wise. Same girl is just plain AFRAID. she doesnt think anyone can fall in love with her even though deep down she knows she is worth it. (this is satan working on her). One time Girl visits Boy and they have a great time together, a week later finds out he was hooking up with like 3 other girls. go ahead say it. **OOOOH NO HE DIDNT**..well he did. So Girl does not talk to Boy for a while. Time goes by they have tiny things here and there but not much. Recently Girl and Boy have been talking A LOT. Her old feelings are coming back, and she really cares about the well being of this Boy. Even though all signs point not to. Especially today, Girl was talking to Boy and he was talking about his concern for another Girl..and how much he cares for her, its not a bad thing..but Girl realized that he could never feel that way about her, and she deserved that. I know a lot of you are thinking right now. Why does she let this happen. She couldnt tell you. Insecurity? Anyway. She likes him, Girl likes him A LOT. but its comes down to 2 things. "There is no saying or greater truth than that which doth not edify is not of God""- Joseph Fielding Smith. This friendship/relationcrap was not putting Girl on the path to what she wanted. what she NEEDED. Secondly Boy just does not care about anything that has to do with Girl except for her lips. Girl expresses this to Boy. Boy says Good Night.
This is obviously a good thing. Girl needs better, she really is a funny, awesome girl. Girl really has potential. So this ending should be good. But Girl, is a girl, so shes breaking. She feels unloveable.
To top it off, Girl has been good friends with another Girl for years, She truly loves this Girl and would do anything for her. Other Girl does not want to be friends. This not only puts a damper on Her plans, but it breaks her heart. Girl might be too sensitive, but it was life that made her that way. **oh enough of this Girl stuff, we all know im talking about me**. This honestly makes me feel like im not worth it. WHATS WRONG WITH ME?
Of course I do KNOW that friendships come and go, guys can be really convincing jerks, But I cant help the hurt that I feel.
So there is this place called Logan, Utah. Logan Utah contains a lot of neat things. My best friend, cool slopes, and the very awesome Utah State. I have applied for this school, and I have gotten in. I also got a scholarship but there is still a lot of money involved. Time keeps going by and I really need to make a decision on if I am going to go or not. But I just CANT make up my mind. Logan is a gorgeous place and I can see a lot of good things coming from it. But is it where I need to be? Will Logan be condusive to the growing up I need to do? I dont know. Im scared of the situation.
However. I want to make it clear that life is beautiful. I am thankful for the good people I know. I am thankful for the institute and the people there. I am thankful that my Heavenly Father knows my heart, and loves me, despite of my mistakes. I know I am upset, but I know that tomorrow can be a beautiful day, its up to me, and I say it is going to be.
And its ok to have bad days .."If you are having a bad day you are in good company, very very good company, even the likes of Joseph Smith"- Elder Holland.
3 comments:
I think girl should come and hang out with Jana and I this weekend. Also girl is awesome and very very hot...
Kayla, you too cute. Sad story, you do deserve better, seriously, dont ever feel like you need to compromise or get less then that.
If you don't move to Logan are you always going to wonder what it would have been like if you did? take the opportunity, you can always come back...
shoot, that last quote was good. i wish i was in the presence if Joseph Smitth right now, because i would ask him if he had in great great great great grand sons our age to date.and mmmm Lisa is so insightful, i like how she worded it.
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